The Power of 3G Relationships
Going Beyond 2 Way Relationships
Most of us know that we need strong relationships to be successful in our work and in our careers. This is especially true when you work in a matrixed organization and/or if you are a leader.
Having strong relationships is basically your currency for being able to deliver results and achieve your goals. But while we all believe building and investing in relationships are important, many of us get stuck in terms of having ideas and actions to do that in an intentional and strategic way.
Where 2-Way Relationships Fall Short
Most people think about relationships as a two-way street. You give something, and you get something in return. This isn’t wrong or bad. It’s better than a one-way street or a one-sided relationship, which we also encounter. But some of the most impactful relationships we can have in our workplace lives come when you strive for something more.
The challenge with the give/get relationship model is that it turns it into a tit-for-tat or an eye for an eye. You feel an obligation to help someone else. To build a genuinely impactful relationship you want to strive for something more.
Enter the 3G Model: Give/Get/Generate.
Instead of focusing on what you want to get or gain, focus instead on how you both can win together. This requires a bit of a mindset shift into how we view the relationship.
To do this, I’ve developed a framework I call the “3G’s of Winning Relationships.” In any given relationship, there are three things that you want to look for:
Give: In this relationship, what can I give to help and support the other person?
Get: In this relationship, what would I like to receive?
Generate: What might we be able to co-create together to help others and ourselves? This one often is the most overlooked one, but also the most powerful, as it creates possibilities and opportunities.
This mindset creates a much more expansive and collective approach to working with your stakeholders. Instead of viewing things in a transactional way or in an “eye for an eye” way, you can think about this: how do we make 1+1 = 3?
This approach also changes the nature of the relationship. Instead of only you and your stakeholder only coming to each other for when you need something, you start to engage and interact for a multitude of other different reasons, like if you see an opportunity they could pursue, a person that might help them be successful, or a joint project that would benefit both of you.
This approach in those circumstances, does two things. First, the very nature of reaching out to the person with a thought or idea makes them see you as looking out for their best interests (which strengthens the relationship). Second, it generates possibilities and opportunities - even if the idea doesn’t come to fruition, it may spawn another idea down the road.
It also brings the two of you closer together in your relationship, and that strength is critical. When you eventually have to ask them for their support, they are more willing to provide it.
The Power of 3G Relationships: More enjoyable interactions of connection
Researchers from the University of Kansas have found that it takes anywhere from about 50 hours to develop a relationship with an acquaintance and close to 200 for someone who you consider to be a close friend. While you might not need to have “close friends” at work, its not hard to see that any relationship, be it a stakeholder, peer, supervisor, team member doesn’t happen over night, and rather happens through small actions of connection and trust that are built up over time. If your relationship with someone else is just giving and getting things, that relationship tend to feel transactional and maybe not so much fun.
But if those small bids and acts of connection are more than just asking for and receiving things, the relationship starts to feel more interesting, exciting, and invigorating. Instead of viewing it as just giving and receiving things, it turns into a relationship where you proactively look out for one another.
While these types of relationships do take work and effort, having these kinds of relationships ends up being worth it. A lot of your success is correlated to the people that want you to succeed. When you have other people out there who not only are rooting for you to be successful but are actively and proactively going out of their way to try to help you, that increases your chances of actually being successful. Having transactional relationships might get you by, but what would you rather have: a person who sort of helps you when you ask them for help or someone who is going out of their way to support your efforts and what you are doing?
These relationships are not always easy to come by, and they do take effort and work. Most of the time, people will ask two questions.
What can I “give” in a Give/Get/Generate relationship?
What can we “generate” together?
Let’s try to break both of these down:
What Can I “Give” In a 3G Relationship?
While most people are comfortable understanding what they want to get out of a relationship with a peer, stakeholder, leader or teammate, they often have questions about what they can give or offer up. Below are specific examples of what you can offer in return to help someone else out that you’re trying to strengthen or build a relationship with
Information - Data and insights that can help them do their job
Connection - Relationships with others that can advance their work
Feedback - Timely and actionable insight into their observable behaviors
Expertise - Knowledge and information they do not have that they need
Attention - Time, empathy, and a listening ear.
Exposure - Support and public advocacy for something they are doing or working on.
Action: Think about a relationship that’s critical to your success in the workplace. What elements do you think you could A) offer up and B) would be positively received?
What Can We Generate Together?
The 3rd G, Generate, is all about how do we use come together to co-create new opportunities that enhance ourselves and for others. Oftentimes, opportunities don’t come out of thin air. And while some people are good at generating their own opportunities, it becomes a lot easier when you partner with someone else. Generate is all about teaming up to co-create something that can benefit others and the two of you in your efforts and goals. Think of this, as a way to start “creating your serendipity and luck.”
A common question revolves around the “Generate” part of the 3G. What can two people co-create or generate together? I’ve got a few examples; imagine that you are trying to improve a relationship with a peer, stakeholder or someone that you have to partner with consistently to deliver some kind of project or initiative with. Here are some things you could co-create or generate with them:
Credibility - Collaborating on a summary or after-action report of a project and sharing it with key stakeholders and senior leaders to gain additional visibility
Innovation - Brainstorming or generating new ideas for new projects, initiatives, or programs that you can work on together
Learning - Bringing a group of people together who are working on similar projects to learn, share ideas, and help each other improve their work
Resources - Working together to gain additional resources for your project, initiatives or ideas
Action: Think about a stakeholder or teammate relationship that is critical to your success in the workplace. Which of these do you think you’d like to partner with them on to generate something together? How can you see this helping out the two of you?
We help people that we know, like, and trust. If we know that we need the help and support of other people in order to be successful in the workplace, one thing we can do to achieve that goal is to find more ways to become known, liked, and trusted.
There are lots of good pieces of advice for being liked and respected, and while that is important, having a few 3G relationships exponentially increases your chances at being successful in your job and in your career. These don’t happen by accident, but with some intention, planning, and thinking more expansively, we can develop meaningful relationships that create more ways to win for ourselves and others.
If you’re looking for some help for your learning and development, leadership development, I’d love to work with you: Here is how I might be able to assist:
Leadership & Learning Programs: Formal training and leadership development in your company, such as new manager or new leader training, or skill-based programs.
Consulting & Advisory Services - Do you have a leadership development or onboarding program that needs a refresh or audit? Let’s chat about how we can improve your program.
1:1 Executive Coaching - Are you looking for an executive coach for 1:1 leadership support? Let’s chat about how we can work together
Feel free to contact me directly for more details!