How to Find Your Confidence When You Are Lost
Lessons for navigating difficult projects at work
Finding Opportunities During Hard Times
When I first started in consulting, like many other new hires, I wanted to work on a strategy project, because it seemed interesting, sexy, and well, everyone else seemed to want to do it too.
To find this work, you had to build relationships and credibility/trust with the leaders who worked on strategy projects. I was determined for this, and asked around from my peers and found a partner who did this work.
I started by helping with some of his business development efforts, and after a while he sold a project and needed an analyst to join - I was excited that my number finally got called. It couldn’t have been any better - a digital strategy project for a client wanting to know how to use technology in a fast-changing world. This project felt like it had my name written all over it.
I would soon find out the meaning behind the saying “not all that glitters is gold.” For one, the client bought a typical strategy engagement from us but wanted a pricing discount (not uncommon) as a result, we were understaffed. By their nature, strategy projects typically are compressed but we were working with less people and in a short amount of time. But these were not things I had control over, so I sucked it up and made the best of it.
A few weeks into the project and I was a disaster. I was having a hard time figuring out how to keep up, finding ways to manage my workstreams, and dealing with the traditional challenges of working in client service (client says the have the data but they don’t, we can’t track down the experts we need) the team was working late nights and on the weekends. I was used to working long hours, but generally in those moments, I knew my role and responsibilities, and just needed to use critical thinking and work ethic to figure out how to finish it. In this case, I felt entirely lost.
I didn’t know how to “do” this work because I wasn’t familiar with it which meant I was learning how to do the work and I still had to do the work. I was always behind and under the gun, in deliverable reviews it felt like my stuff always was subpar and everyone else’s was great. I also was working with people who I hadn’t worked with before, so there wasn’t a ton of trust where I felt like I could ask for help, or advice. It was probably some of the most imposter syndrome I felt in my life to date.
Halfway through the project, I texted one of my former managers who was a mentor late on a Friday night and asked if we could chat. I confessed to hearing that I had no idea what I was doing. I was scared and embarrassed that everyone thought I was an idiot, and had no confidence whatsoever. I doubted that I was cut out for this work, and wanted advice.
She reminded me that the whole point of taking on new projects was to explore and do new things (where you might not know what to do at first) and that in any given project, there are so many things that need to get done, that I needed to keep staying with it. She also reminded me of the things she had seen me do really well when I worked with her, and encouraged me to see if I could use those in this project.It was tough love, but the support and coaching that I needed in that moment.
I wish I could say the rest of the project went better, but it was honestly still rocky, until the very end. During the final week before our presentation to the Board, the client threw a curveball at us, and asked for another set of research to include in our readout. And then, unfortunately, someone on our team who was playing a huge role in the work got sick, and was down for the count.
This was my opportunity, and I was able to step up. Remembering what my manager told me about what I did well, I was able to pull in some favors by asking for help from some internal experts within our firm, and actually found a lot of the data for the set of research that we needed to do. Next, since we had a person down who was going to present a huge part of the key findings, the team asked if I felt like I knew the material well enough to present. I don’t know if I did, but I knew that I was comfortable presenting, so I offered to do it.
The day of the Board Presentation came, and in that moment, I delivered. The team was impressed with my poise in front of a senior audience, as well as my knowledge of the material. We ended up having to do a number of additional presentations with the client as they vetted the strategy around their business units, and I was the one who worked with the partner to do this work.
Lessons For When You Don’t Think You Know What Your Doing
I have been thinking about this experience a lot lately, especially as I have faced numerous new projects and opportunities now as an entrepreneur. As growth minded people, we want to learn and do new things, and we want to push ourselves. But at the same time, those experiences can be very difficult. It’s also hard, at least for me, to not feel levels of imposter syndrome or embarrassment for feeling like you are failing in public. But as I think back on this experience, here is what it taught me
1)If you’re going to turn inward, you also need to turn outward
It’s easy to get into fight or flight mode when you encounter something challenging, difficult or new. It’s also easy to get in your own head to try to solve a problem or work it out. While I’m all for reflection and for taking ownership, I think you have to also turn outward. For me, at that moment, the first thing I did was turn inward - I thought I could work through this by making myself get up earlier, work more hours, and do things, all on my own.
Taking ownership is important, but I wish I had realized sooner that I didn’t need to solve this by myself, and that part of taking ownership and demonstrating your abilities is your ability to speak up when you don’t know something and to use the resources around you to find a solution. The times when I did speak up on the community of peers, mentors, and subject matter experts for guidance or support are when I was able to make contributions.
2)When you’re in the suck, stay curious and alert
The first 8.5 weeks of the 10 week project I felt like I was not contributing, and maybe even bringing down the team. In hindsight, I think that I was so worried that I wasn’t playing my part, that I missed opportunities along the way where I could have chipped in and made an impact, and also built some confidence in myself, and trust with my peers.
But I am glad I stayed with it, until the end, because in the last week and a half, I contributed and delivered when it mattered most. Even when you aren’t at your best, or are doing something that is new, while it may take awhile you to find your footing, chances are there is always something that you can do if you remain focused on thinking on how you can contribute. In those moments, if you can push aside a little of your fear or concern and ask how you might be able to contribute, or look for ways to help advance toward the goal, I am confident you can find something.
3) Find Your Talents and Use Them (And tell other people when you see them in action)
The beauty of working on a team is that while the best teams have defined roles and responsibilities everyone brings a set of strengths and talents regardless of their role, that can be used to contribute. Even when you don’t feel like you’re at your best, Your job is finding out regardless of your role, how you can contribute. For me, the conversation with my former manager where she reminded me that even though this was new, there were other things that I was innately good at, that I could use in this situation.
This is also why I think talent spotting, and telling people when they are good at something, and how they can use that in their work is so important.
This experience, has forever shaped how I show up when I work on teams, and when I have to work on something knew where I don’t feel comfortable or like I am an expert. Even when we face situations that seem daunting or insurmountable, if we balance inward and outward thinking, stay curious and alert, and look within yourself to start with our strengths, we can usually find ways to make an impact.
What To Read and Listen To
I’m trying something new this week, and sharing with you a bunch of links, podcasts, etc that I’ve read or consumed across various topics of work, career, personal development, and leadership. Let me know what you think if you end up reading or listening to these
🔦 About Work: The Myth That Most Americans Hate Their Job - Derek Thompson, The Atlantic
Derek tries to unpack the myth about how Americans don’t want to work anda don’t hate their jobs through some stats and data. While I don’t dispute the data, there’s a lot more nuance in here than I think he’s suggesting, furthermore, work is not a monolith, and neither is the workforce.
🔦About Work: Debunking Three Myths of Work - The Inside Job Podcast
Nayla and Eric are well known Career Experts within the MBA Education spaces that I encounter, and I enjoy listening to their podcast. In this episode they debunk 3 common myths about work that they hear from their coaching clients.
🔦Personal Reflection: Asking The Right Questions (In the Arena Podcast)
Questions are powerful tools to unlock insights and self-reflect. This was a nice listen from Leah Smart and fitness expert, Marc Champagne (nice last name) who talk about how a regular and consistent practice of asking the right questions can lead to a fuller and richer life
🔦Career Advice: What is The Best Piece of Advice You Ever Received? (Deb Liu)
Deb is the CEO of Ancestry.Com, and her weekly newsletters on career and leadership are insightful and interesting. This week, she shares the best pieces of career advice from some of her friends and peers. I appreciate the context for how she wrote this article, as each piece of advice has a bit more context for how to use this advice (something I feel is often missing from career advice)
🔦Company Culture:Why Every Leader Needs to Worry About Toxic Culture (MIT Sloan Management Review
I’ve written about some of Donald’s research in the past, but his research article about the impact of toxic culture on reasons why employees are leaving companies is a good read, if you are a manager or leader, but also if you’re an employee and not loving your current workplace culture
🔦Leadership: Leaders Must Engage With Emotions More Than Ever Before (HBR)
As much as the future of work is about technology and tools, it’s also about humans and emotions. A long but interesting read on how leaders must be adept at navigating and managing their emotions
Have a great week!
Al